a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she looked like the before picture.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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