My brain says no but my pants say off.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
