dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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