YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
