Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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