Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
