I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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