Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
