let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
