Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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