Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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