i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
