Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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