In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
