so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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