I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
