Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
