the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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