Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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