idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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