now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
