I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
