were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
