In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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