I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
