it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
