i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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