she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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