I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
