Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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