How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
