Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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