Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
