Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
