he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
