I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
