My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
