But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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