Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
