the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
