I am in a vortex of obligation.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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