I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
