I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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