Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
