is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
