If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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