So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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