I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
