He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
