My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
