We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
