My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My feet surprised me
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