So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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